"I felt like there was weight coming off my shoulders"

“My vulva started to change as soon as I became older. I wasn’t the only one who was noticing it but my best friend (girl) as well. It’s pretty common here in the Netherlands to be close with (girl)friends on a naked/close level (as if you’re sisters) but she noticed and saw the difference between our vulvas. She told her mom about it and it caused confusion if my vulva was even normal to begin with. That moment was sort of the beginning of my vulva-trauma.

I asked my mother if I was abnormal ‘down there’ because my vulva looked different than I’d seen from other girls and after I'd searched online for pictures of vulvas. She told me she didn’t know the answer to my insecurity. I started hating my vulva more and more. There were also many moments back in the day where I just wanted to take scissors and cut my (in my opinion too long) inner labia off. I felt disgusted when I saw my own labia or touched it when cleaning/showering and being on my period.

My vulva also caused me many traumas when I was exposing my vulva towards some men – they can be pretty harsh when your vulva doesn’t look like the ones they've seen on some other women and in adult movies. My vulva-hate started growing more and more. Many years later one of them apologized but he isn’t aware of how much damage he has caused. Till this day I'm scared that some people might see the contours of my vulva when I am wearing leggings and doing sports/being in the gym in several postures.

I also have a dark spot on one of my inner labia. I asked my doctor what it could be, and he told me it was a pigmentation mark. A few years later, I was diagnosed with PCOS. I cured my PCOS completely on my own by being off the hormonal birth control pill and changing to a vegan whole foods plant-based diet. I still have some issues with my overactive bladder and I'm currently in the process of investigation and treatment.

When I found The Vulva Gallery I felt like there was some weight coming off my shoulders. I was so pleased to see that there are many different vulvas. It doesn’t make up for all the drama I’ve been through when I was my most vulnerable, but it surely helps me to be more at peace from within.”

– A, 31 years old, The Netherlands (she/her)