Pornography really affected my relationship with my vulva. I thought it was deformed and I couldn’t bare to look at it. I would cry and have panic attacks when I did look at it and it completely destroyed my self esteem. My whole sexuality was formed around this hatred for my vulva, when I started to have sex the only thing on my mind was how my vulva looked, had they seen it? Did it turn them off? When I was about 15 I went to the doctor and I told her I was deformed and I needed her to cut my inner labia out. She told me I was normal and I hated her for it. I cried for weeks and felt so hopeless. I even joined a website (despite being underage) where men would ‘donate’ money to women who couldn’t afford plastic surgery. Vulva positive instagram accounts like this were the first time I had ever seen vulvas like mine, and they have been the main factor in me learning to love myself. This is not vanity. This issue does more than effect women’s self esteem. In my case it effected my self worth, my sexuality, it made me more at risk for abuse. This project is vital, and I can not express my gratitude enough. I don’t know if the dysphoria I feel when I look at my vulva will ever go, but it’s a journey, and this project has made me love it more than I ever have. Thank you.
S. - 27 years old